“sup”
The first time Brandon Buttry greeted me that way on a Facebook chat, I paused a moment, trying to fill in some punctuation and a few implied letters. I guess I figured out that he was asking, “What’s up?”
Anyway, we chatted again and again, usually exchanging just a line or two (often about what was up, naturally).
What was up was that Brandon was fighting our nation’s longest war. And now he’s one of its casualties. Monday morning my brother, Don, and his wife, Pam, got the visit that parents of the men and women serving in the military dread most. Soldiers were at their door in rural Iowa with the news that Brandon had been killed in action in Afghanistan.
Don’s and my father, Luke Buttry, was an Air Force chaplain during the Vietnam War, though he never was stationed in Vietnam. His worst duty was to be the bearer of that heartbreaking news when a son or husband would not be coming home.
My generation in our family didn’t serve in the military. I was in the first age-group not drafted when we turned 19. We still had the draft lottery for people born in 1954, though. My number was 9, so I would have been called if the draft had continued. I applied for 1-AO status, meaning I was a conscientious objector who would not bear arms but would serve in a non-combat role. Until they dropped the draft, I was wondering whether I would be a chaplain’s assistant or a medic. Instead, I was a civilian journalist and happy about that.
Brandon’s father, Don, was two years younger than me, well past the end of the draft and not interested in volunteering.
Our older brother, Dan, was a conscientious objector but had a high draft number and is a peace missionary. He was in Asia leading a 10-day conflict management seminar for religious leaders and peace activists when I called him Monday with the news of Brandon’s death. We talked about what a happy, fun kid he was. We exchanged memories of our Facebook chats with him, often starting with a “sup” from Brandon.
What was up Wednesday evening was that Mimi and I were standing on the flight line at Dover Air Force Base, a nor’easter‘s driving rain mixing with the tears on our cheeks as an honor guard carried Brandon’s flag-draped box across the tarmac.
While his father came of age in a time of peace, Brandon grew up in a time of war. He was just 8 when terrorists harbored by Afghanistan conspired to fly passenger planes into American landmarks. The disdain for military service that marked my generation’s era had been replaced by support for the troops in Brandon’s. We had learned to argue over whether to fight wars without disrespecting the young men and women we sent into harm’s way. And Brandon grew up wanting to join the Army. Like his grandfather, he wore his nation’s uniform.
His Facebook updates counted down the days to his 19th birthday, when he would head off to boot camp. His mother’s email after attending his graduation from basic training carried a mix of pride at his accomplishment and his maturity and fear at what lay ahead for the son she had protected and nurtured since adopting him at age 3. (Brandon is the fifth of Don and Pam’s 14 children, 11 of them adopted.)
Not even six months after Pam sent those photos from Fort Benning, this Monday morning a casualty assistance officer drove up the dirt road where Don and Pam and most of those kids live south of Shenandoah, Iowa. Every parent or spouse of someone serving overseas in the military knows what it means when people in uniform show up unannounced at the door. Don and Pam knew right away.
The whole family has been in a fog for the past three days. The military offered to fly Don and Pam to Dover for Brandon’s return today. But they had adult daughters coming in from Texas and Minnesota and Eastern Iowa and children at home who needed to grieve with their parents. Anything I could do felt inadequate because nothing would bring Brandon back alive. But you do what you can. I handled news media inquiries, knowing from the other direction what an intrusion and burden our calls can be on grieving parents. Mimi and I offered to come to Dover, an easy drive from our Virginia home. Don and Pam appreciated the offer, pleased that they could stay with their children and that the family would be represented at Brandon’s return. So we arrived here Tuesday night. Brandon and the nor’easter arrived Wednesday.
I can’t express deeply enough our gratitude and respect for the Air Force and Army officers and enlisted people who helped us out this blustery evening. Their compassion and professionalism was amazing — the general and chaplains who explained the ceremony to us before we headed to the flight line and discussed Brandon and his family with us and thanked us for his heroic service; the sergeant who called me Monday, filled me in on arrangements, met us at the gate and escorted us through the afternoon and evening; the soldiers (or airmen) who held umbrellas steadily against the whipping wind and rain; the Old Guard from Arlington (the same unit that guards the Tomb of the Unknowns) whose precision marching honored the soldier they welcomed back to the homeland he served briefly but bravely.
A chaplain told us we were welcome to watch the ceremony from the shelter of the bus that had taken us out to the flight line. We stayed outside in the rain and wind, saluting with the soldiers. Brandon had stood in much worse for us.
When his body had been loaded into a van for transport to the Dover AFB mortuary, we climbed back onto the bus with the soldiers who were escorting us. The chaplain told us the rain was God’s tears for Brandon.
Mimi and I called Don and Pam to tell them and their family on speaker phone about the ceremony. Then we drove back to our hotel, glad that we had booked a second night, rather than trying to drive home so exhausted.
I opened Facebook and looked back through my Facebook conversations with Brandon. I saw this exchange on March 23:
Me: Where are you going to be stationed?
Brandon: Washington … but headed to Afghanistan this fall.
Me: Stay safe!
Then May 30:
Brandon: hi
Me: Hi, Brandon. You at Fort Lewis yet?
Brandon: yeah i get deployed in 21 days (he wasn’t actually deployed until August)
Me: Stay safe! We’ll be praying for you.
Brandon: kk thANKS
And this exchange Aug. 10 (our next-to-last chat):
Me: Hi, Brandon! Are you in Afghanistan now? How are things going?
Brandon: yes good and how are things there
Me: I’m doing fine. Just got back from a good trip to New York yesterday.
Brandon: nice im do back in jan
Me: Stay safe!
Brandon: thanks
The old man who never bore arms urging caution on the young warrior. Has the latter ever listened to the former? And even if he did, how can a 19-year-old soldier stay safe in the most dangerous part of Kandahar province?
sup
What’s up, Brandon? We’re missing you. But proud of you. We salute you and thank you and the other brave men and women in uniform for your courage and your service.
Update: KMA radio interviewed me today about the ceremony for Brandon (to listen to the interview, click the audio bar below the story).
Steve, I am so sorry. Your post is a beautiful tribute. Our country owes a debt of gratitude to Brandon and all of your family
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Thank you, Nan.
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Prayers. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you, Barb. I know the love of the Shenandoah community means the world to the family at this time.
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My heartfelt condolences to you and your family, Steve. What a sad loss.
Wolfgang
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Thanks, Wolfgang.
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Steve, I met Dan this year at a conference and purchased his book, “Blessed are the Peacemaker.” I am praying that Brandon’s life was not in vain. And he has found peace. God bless he and the other men and women who forgo life as they know it to protect those whom they do not know. Deepest sympathy to his parents, siblings, relatives and friends.
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I appreciate that very much, Robin, and I know Dan does, too. He was lamenting that he had to be in Thailand and might not be back for the funeral. I told him we needed him there, making plowshares.
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That is so good that you and Mimi could go and be there at Dover. I write this through my tears. You have written a beautiful tribute. My thoughts and prayers continue with you and the family.
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So good to hear from you, Mavis. Thanks very much.
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I am sorry for your loss.
God Bless.
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Thank you, Kurt.
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Steve, I send my condolences to you and your family. I’m praying for peace and healing. Blessings.
Maya
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Thank you, Maya.
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Buttry Family: our tears, heartbreak and prayers are with you in our attempt to offer some consolation.
Mike and Carol McNamara
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Thanks, Mike and Carol! Much appreciated.
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Our condolences to your family. Our gratitude to Brandon.
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Thank you, Sandy.
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I read your post with growing sorrow for you and your family. All of us lucky enough to have not lost someone grieve with you. My nephew is in Camp Leatherneck in Afghanistan. Again, I’m sorry for your loss
Judy Babb
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I pray that your nephew comes home safely.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. This was a wonderful tribute to your nephew. God bless him and your family.
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I want to write something, but I don’t know where to start. There’s so much I want to say but words seem so inadequate. Just know that I am praying for all of you.
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Thanks, Buffy!
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Very sorry for your loss, your brother’s loss, your family’s loss. Brandon died too young, and in proud service of our country. My thoughts are with your family during this most difficult of weeks.
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Thank you, Michelle.
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I am so sorry for your family’s loss. Thank you for sharing the story with us.
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Thanks, Michael.
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So sorry to see Brandon’s picture on the front page of the Des Moines Register the first morning I returned from an out of state trip. When I saw the last name and Shenandoah I knew it was the Buttry family I knew and was confirmed with a call from Mike McNamara. Thank you Steve for sharing and both you and Mimi for being such a strong support for your brother and family.
Please let them know their sorrow is shared by others back here in Iowa who never had a chance to meet the brave and patriotic son.
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Thanks, Mike! The support from Iowans (and Americans everywhere) has been overwhelming. Your kind words are much appreciated.
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Steve, Your father succeeded mine as pastor in Shenandoah, and I have worked with your brother Dan through International Ministries. Your tribute is touching and real. Thank you for writing this, and know our prayers are with all of your family in this loss.
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Thank you, Ruth. That means a lot to us.
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What a beautiful tribute to Brandon, Steve! Your dad would have been honored to read this. It brought tears to my heart. Thank you and Mimi so much for representing the Buttry Family there. May God’s peace be with you all through this difficult time. Mary Lou Lawson
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Thanks, Mary Lou!
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Steve, I’ve been reading your posts and thinking of you and your family, today especially. My very sincerest condolences to you all.
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We greatly appreciate that, Gina!
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My name is Susan Casciaro from Columbus, Georgia. My son Aaron graduated with Brandon from Basic Training. I want you to know that my family is grieving along with yours at the loss of Brandon. Many prayers for your family have been lifted up during this time. What a blessing it has been to learn about your special family and read your touching tribute to Brandon. He was a special young man who willing sacrificed his all for our freedom. Thank you, Brandon.
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Thank you, Susan. The outpouring of support has been tremendous.
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I am so sorry for your families loss.. As I stood in the flag line outside the church last night.I was touched that even through your family was grieving they stopped and greeted us and thanking us for being there. Your family has shown so much strength during this.
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Thank you! The flag lines meant so much to our family. I’m working on another blog post about this week in Shenandoah, and it includes lots of flag photos.
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[…] « Saluting a fallen soldier: Welcome home, Brandon […]
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[…] regional media who were interested in Brandon’s death did not ask about covering the ceremony when Brandon’s body was flown to Dover on Nov. 7. But I emailed the media that evening with an account of the ceremony. KMA asked for an […]
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[…] role in another emotional ceremony for another loved one. Mimi and I represented the family at the military ceremony at Dover Air Force Base, Delaware, when the body of our nephew, Brandon Buttry, returned to the United States from Afghanistan. […]
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[…] business, I did blog several times about my nephew Brandon’s death in Afghanistan: about the return of his body to Dover Air Force Base, the week of his funeral, a cheeseburger salute the day his unit returned to Fort Lewis and about […]
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[…] I noted last year after the death of my nephew, Brandon, my younger brother, Don, and his wife, Pam, have adopted 11 children after having three […]
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[…] honored his memory with a cheeseburger salute the day he was supposed to return from Afghanistan (Brandon was killed in action last year). Bryan never met Brandon, but he and Eleanor joined the salute from the original […]
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[…] the loss of loved ones, and I am grateful that I was able to visit Patrick on his deathbed and to salute Brandon as the military brought his body back from […]
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[…] of diversity no doubt played a role in my calling on him for this story. I noted on the blog the 2012 death of Don’s African American son Brandon, serving in Afghanistan, and the community’s salute to Brandon and support for the […]
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[…] Brandon, who died in Afghanistan in 2012, was the second oldest of the adopted siblings of Mandy, Luke and Missy. I also have blogged about the two children of my sister, Carol, Patrick and Kat Devlin. I have written about my brother Dan here, but not about his children. But Mimi and I were delighted to host two of Dan’s adult children and their spouses in recent weeks, the first niece and nephew to visit us in our new home in Baton Rouge. […]
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[…] about 15-20 stories tall, every floor filled with stories sadder than mine.) I lost a nephew at 16, another at 19 and a great nephew at age 7. I’m not going to whine (much) if I’m running out of time […]
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Friend and Brother of Brandon…I served in the US Army with Brandon and remember receiving word of his passing as we were both on the same Deployment. I still wear my Army KIA bracelet in memory and honor of him and he will live on forever! Love Ya Brotha!!! Continue to watch over me…God Bless
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